38 Questions and Answers About astonysh

dedicated to my Internet friend, Christine, in Cologne who had the answers to this on http://purpleslinky.com/humor/38-questions-and-answers-about-stine1/#ixzz1kNTyz7TB

Maybe I will find that there is some copyright infringement by putting this on my blog, but this was the easiest route to take in the short-term.

I have also converted the US English to UK English, as a matter of course!

So:

In case you want to know a bit more about me (astonysh), you should definitely check out this questionnaire!

1. What year is it? Are you sure?
2012 if you accept AD. As an atheist I do not accept the "D" in that so 2012 is merely a convenient number. In Thailand, my wife's home country, it is 2555.

2. The name you normally give to idiots at the bar:
None. I never go in bars these days!

3. Name as it appears on your primary false ID:
Genius

4. Other alias(es):
superstar, brain_of_the_universe, source of all wisdom, poverty-stricken-nonconformist

5. Would you rather be taller or have a bigger body part? Which part?
Taller, I would need to be 40 years younger though - being tall always impressed women when I was a young man and not tall.

6. What African animal would you like to have as a pet?
No pets, just leave them to do their thing in their natural habitats.

7. How old would you really like your significant other to be?
She will do as she is.

8. Favourite tattoo – on anyone:
None

9. Last alcoholic drink that made you barf:
None

10. If you see a grenade on the ground do you pick it up?
No, I run away like mad and call the police on my mobile from a safe distance.

11. Who in your life would you like to choke?
Nobody directly in my life, though there are a few politicians out there ....

12. Have you ever loved someone as much as your hunting dog?
Everyone. I cannot stand dogs and will not have one. And I don't hunt!

13. Ever crash your four-wheeler into a tree? Did you survive?
Not applicable (no four-wheeler)

14. Do you prefer rhubarb or black-eyed peas?
Rhubarb

15. Day of the week you can spell without cheating:
All of them in English, French, German and Dutch

16. Favourite cuss word or phrase:
A 7-letter-word beginning with a "B" indicating a lack of at least one known parent, and can be applied to most politicians and nearly all lawyers, and every boss who either fired me or would not offer me a job in line with my talents.

17. Favourite strip joint(s):
If you'd asked me this 30 years ago, I might have had an answer.

18. Favourite dancer (and why?):
Gene Kelly, I like old movies, and he always got the girl at the end of the film (which is a nice thought ....).

19. Like auto racing or not? If not – why not?
No, the same boring thing for two hours.

20. Favourite dessert (cake or pie):
Apfelstrudel

21. Favourite nonalcoholic drink (may not apply):
Multivitamin drinks from the local supermarket.

22. Prefer movies from Disney or Bare-Naked Productions?
Neither (Pocohontas does Dallas? Snow White and the seven perverted dwarves? Then you can have both!).

23. Favourite greasy spoon restaurant:
None, can't afford to eat out - even at cheapo diners.

24. Original colour of your bedroom carpet (check under the dog hair):
None, we cannot afford one and we do not have a dog (see above)

25. How many times did you tell your last driver’s test examiner to screw off?
None - never learned to drive!

26. What porn site did you get your last e-mail from?
www.growyoursevenbiggerifpossible.com
Incidentally it would be difficult if not impossible ....

27. Which store would you choose most often to rob?
Any with no security gate at the front and where I would not get caught.

28. What body part do you do most often scratch when you are bored?
My nose

29. Do you buy Playboy™ (or Playgirl™) for the pictures or the articles?
I don't. What would a man of my age do with it?

30. What time of day do you usually pass out?
If my wife was on the early morning shift at the airport, quite early, otherwise tomorrow.

31. Who do you know that would be able to pronounce all the words in this text:
Next to nobody, given the fact that all my friends are Germans or Thais.

32. Who is the person you could send this to that is least likely to be able to read?
Any politician

33. Best friend(s) who are most likely to jerk their hind leg when you scratch their ear:
No friends would let me get that close!

34. Last person(s) who farted in your presence:
My wife (usually in bed)

35. Do you own a late model vehicle (made after 1978)?
No

36. Pickup or car (if not pickup, why not?):
Neither (pick-up, in UK English at least, can mean a girlfriend for a one-night-stand. Even given that it might be fun, being hit on the head with a hammer by my wife is not to be recommended).

37. Favourite bathroom smell:
Disinfectant

38. Last time you read this much without a pee break:
Don't take much notice of toilet breaks, so couldn't tell you. Maybe I need to take note of them for future reference.