2012 Predictions

The American psychic, Sylvia Browne charges, apparently, $750 a reading.

Nice work if you can get it.

She has also been more wrong more often than virtually any other well-known psychic in the public gaze. See her comment to Shaun Hornbeck's parents that their son was dead, for example.

So maybe if I get a few things wrong, maybe people will offer me only €350 a reading? Sound good? Cheap? I only take Euro though, not US$ or Pounds (what would I do with worthless currencies like Pounds for starters?).

So. 10 predictions.

1. Romney is elected US President in 2012. The Republicans (after being responsible for the amazing policies which brought about the 2008 crash) sweep Congress. They promise the same as before which was of course extremely successful. Meanwhile the war with Iran will not take place in 2012 - and I am not allowed here to predict anything about 2013, so ....

2. The UK officially goes back into recession. Cameron informs the UK public that it is not his government which is to blame and it is obviously the EU that is at fault.

3. The UK also has to go to the IMF for a bailout. Cameron informs the UK public that it is not his government which is to blame and it is obviously the EU that is at fault.

4. The Pound falls to a new all-time record low against the plummetting Euro. Cameron informs the UK public that it is not his government which is to blame and it is obviously the EU that is at fault.

5. The BNP wins a string of by-elections across various parts of England, by promising to repatriate large numbers of people who were born in the UK, whose parents were born in the UK, and whose grandparents were born in the UK. Nick Griffin describes them as "undesirable aliens".

6. Scotland holds a referendum on independence from the UK which attracts a support level of 75%. Cameron informs his party and the rest of the UK that this is not a sign that the UK as a country is falling apart, and reassures everyone that his government is extremely popular everywhere as it always does the right thing for the country as a whole.

7. Germany manages to pay more money into the Greek exchequer than the entire population of Greece manages as a combined total. The new Greek Finance Minister assures Berlin that there are absolutely no signs of tax evasion in the country.

8. Israel, while testing one of the nuclear warheads that it purportedly does not have, manages to land it on a Palestinian refugee settlement in Gaza. A spokesman in Tel-Aviv describes the incident as "unfortunate", but points out that little serious damage was done, as there is little left in Gaza to which serious damage can be done.
Meanwhile the US government, on hearing this, berates Iran for being a dangerous nuclear threat, while the Republican Party (on the ball with world affairs as ever) sees this as one further reason for a fullscale attack on Teheran and lashes into Obama for not launching Enola Gay II immediately.

9. The English tabloid press, which knows more about football (soccer) than the rest of the world combined, predicts before the event that England are racing certainties to win Euro 2012, and confidently predict a 10-0 drubbing of Spain (obviously a 3rd rate team) in the final. In the event Spain win the tournament by beating Germany in the final again. England's main contribution is the usual erudite analysis of the team's performance (on the field - not what Wayne Rooney was doing in the hotel and elsewhere) in the tabloid press. The Murdoch tabloid press also have to send two journalists home for misconduct - apparently both knew who Xavi was and, worse still, they could almost pronounce his name correctly!

10. Unemployment percentages around the world begin to sink rapidly as governments find interesting new ways to disguise the non-working as something other than "unemployed". It is predicted that by 2020, that the number of non-unemployed non-working individuals in Europe will have risen to 97%.