So would I appear in a porn movie?

WARNING - ADULT CONTENT (pretty tongue-in-cheek adult content, but anyway). Any of my regular readers who have kids, try and keep them away from this piece, and any kids reading this, please go and find something else to do - I do not want you reading this!




I am not sure where I first ran into this discussion - not on MyLot.com for a change.

There was this person ranting on about only evil people appear in porn movies etc usw, and it was a typical rant.

My answer anyway is a qualified "yes" (and given my age what have I to lose? Well my self-respect, but apart from that).

First, I would have nothing to do with anything that involved violence (that incidentally would also rule me out of a lot of non-porn action movies, which seem to glorify violence for its own sake).

Second, I would have nothing to do with anything involving legally underage performers.

Third, I would not appear in any single-sex movies, as my tastes and arousal factors are totally heterosexual.

Fourth, my female co-star(s) would have to have something about her/them that would arouse me. Women walking round naked, for instance, is old hat in my life. My wife can walk totally naked from the bathroom to the bedroom or vice versa without my getting excited, so there has to be something more to the wom(a/e)n involved. Probably no older than 25. Granny movies, incidentally (the rage in Germany these days apparently) are definitely no-go.

Fifth, they would have to pay me enough to make it worth my while, so the sheer embarrassment that I would suffer when I meet someone who has seen (or even worse, bought) the movie, might be placated.

Sixth, and this will upset a few female readers out there - any co-star better not have shaved her vagina. I find it a total turn-off, and I always grew up believing that when a girl stopped being a child and became a woman she grew two things - breasts and pubic hair. Old-fashioned, male chauvinist? OK - for once I plead guilty.

Seventh, there had better be a large free supply of viagra or cialis or wharrever else there is that works.

Eighth, my wife better had be out of the country and never find out what I was getting up to while she was away (where is my MyLot "angry" smiley????) ....